Geneology fact or fiction. You decide

Decisions made and Grandaughter heads north to look after us oldies, I could do with a bit of pampering and it would give Hassle the boss someone else to talk to. After just one day she decides to make a long distance call with her head down the china phone, keeps calling for Ralph and Huey. I spent the next few days cleaning and cooking for three, so much for the pampering. At last our home is ours once more and the hip hop beat coming from the head phones has vanished along with the grandaughter.
I decided to encourage Hassle the boss to attack once more the vexed question of ones ancestors, and decided to have a sneak around the ancestory thingy web site only to get no where, she got the hint and took over in her usual way "give it here, I don't want you messing with things" Noises of satisfaction as she declares that we have now gone back another two generations, and a wispered I had to pay a bit extra to get the information. I have just received the email confirming I have willingly paid another $351.80. WHAT!!........
Looking at one's ancestors, thoughts of family remind me that we seem to have been spread all over the planet, cousin Hubert decided to emigrate and went to New Zealand with some strange farmers carrying a single yellow welly. Upon arriving at some strange place called Wanganewi where he witnessed some natives barely dressed, leaping up and down, slapping their bodies and finally Hubert whispers to Josephine that the chap with loads of black paint on him pointed his tongue out at him and they promptly left and ended up in Australia. (never heard of the Hakka). Now it transpires that while Australia has bondi beach a few years ago we sent loads of criminals there a sort of 18 century version of CHAV's.
Continuing with the family theme, back in the early 1970's we received a strange letter from the office of the President of the South African power corporation. It seem that some one stuffed a chunk of concrete across a valley and flooded a valley in Rhodesia better known as Zimbabwe these days. It made a whopping lake called Kariba, and this chap in the letter says he is my long lost uncle and will be coming back to the UK to visit. Now I'm not sure what he and my aunt were expecting but the arrangements were made and we were all to meet up at another uncle's house in Hertfordshire to have dinner and to discuss ones future plans. When the day arrived we all met including Hassle the boss. I forgot all about her views, who would have thought.
After a very enjoyable dinner and Hassle the boss having just one to many cherry brandies and lost uncle declaring that we must come over to stay, loads of room over there, you'll love it, big open spaces, room to breathe, really you'll love it, and I know your aunt wont mind a bit letting you have some of the servents, THat was it, enough said, Hassle blew a gasket, " how dare you go to their country, and make them slaves, how could you" with her words ringing in their ears, uncle declares at the top of his voice "weve got a red in the family" aunt faints as only colonials can and is helped off to bed to get over the shock. At the end of that fateful day we parted company never to hear from them again. It seems we have other siblings of my dad that also live in south Africa near a place called Joburg, some digging for yellow metal and others looking for shiny stones, as well as one of his sisters ending up in Australia, probably likes kangaroo's.
a short message to Uncle Wilf and Aunt Jean, Hazel has mellowed with age and you did give her just a tad too much to drink, I'm sure she has forgiven you for having servents!...