For Peter and Jan

Can't embarrass her now and I know she wouldn't mind

A really sad time

It come to us all one day, and now it is my turn. Last Friday I lost Hazel to the illness she suffered these past three years. I am using this to let all our friends know. Hazel born 7th November 1946 and taken from us 5th November 2010. Hassle the Boss will be sadly missed. This will probably explain my last post. and I will probably leave the keys alone for a bit and quietly contemplate a future without her. We had been togeather for 40 years and she has taken the best bits of me with her. Fare well for now      Deliveryskipper       for the radio hams out there   G1 HML  Now Silent Key

Long Enforced absence

First let me apologise for the absence but needs must. Life afloat goes on but a bit different. It is amazing how at 0300 hrs GMT sitting alone in a big room or should I say saloon and it makes you feel like a very small pea in a large can rattling around not knowing exactly what to do next, looking to the internet to maybe chat to strangers just like it used to be in the bad old days of messenger where with a couple of clicks and you were talking to a stranger many miles away via the keyboard. Where has it all gone? I looked on loads of sites and filled in their registration forms and before you could even say hello to a stranger a screen popped up asking for large sums of dosh. It transpires that all those sites have become dating sites and that was not what I wanted, even skype, and Facebook and messenger only allows you to talk to your contacts and it is amazing there were none online. I could have talked to the cat but she happens to be the most unsociable moggy on the planet and totally ignores you till she asks to be fed once again. 3 in the morning is a strange time when the quiet hits you like a thunderous roar blanking out all other sound save the tick and toc of the old wall clock. maybe it is time to return to antisociable habits listening to music until the sun rises winding up the power till the speakers shake, but thoughts of waking the pregnant neighbour spoiling her sleep patten, no must not do that, I am not that cruel. Too early to start working on the barge. Even though you could not sleep and people in your timezone are snoaring whilst in others in different zones are chatting away in their little groups, but in todays age you do not know that they even exist, Oh for the good old days. Sleepless nights blur from one into the next until the eyes look like pee holes in the snow, refusing the comfort of the large bed where dreams turn to nightmares. Even blogging seems wierd, feels like I'm trying to write a book and the words refuse to come, memories gone just a total void where once there was thought. It seems years since little Bo wiggled up to you for company and his final journey to the docs. I am looking forward in dread to yet another 3 am symphony of silence. Come on those controlling the internet, let us have our chat sites back please

Time to say goodbye

Bosun's Mate age 15 gone but always rembered

He has joined his brothers.

Lungs at risk from Dust

The powers that be never tell you the whole truth, general advice is for those with breathing problems stay inside


First Picture is facing East just before dawn








Second picture is facing North, you can see the concentration of dust in the atmosphere








And finally still facing North but a little later, you can clearly see two layers of dust. Please remember this is made up of ground glass and pumice. The experts seem unwilling to let us know what the proportions are so I think the only advice for all especially in Europe is, "STAY INSIDE" where the air is clean

Keeping the dream Alive

Just for those contemplating buying a barge and cruising the French waterways for an extended retirement. Sorry no pictures, for those you will have to push the link to get those. Annie and Mark decided on an early retirement and came to bargeing late in life, better late than never, togeather with two large bearded collies, Boris and Brushka, who both love mud and water in equal measure. They are also doing a Blogg on their travels south. Have a read and look at the pictures to keep those dreams alive. All you have to do now is push this link http://www.somewhereinfrance.co.uk/ Enjoy

Now Pay Attention or Pay Again

A serious word of caution for persons buying barges and having work done without having the work overseen by someone who knows "BE WARNED". After spending £35,000 on work done in a Dutch Shipyard. The invoice read, Service Engine, Clean all fuel Tanks, Renew all filters, Repack Stern gland, Renew shaft bearings, Steam clean Engine room and bilges and £7,500 to shorten vessel to 30mtrs. This means that £27,500 was spent on those jobs listed above. 20hrs running time saw us with engine at idle due to fuel starvation, 15 inches of water in the bilges due to a leaking stern gland, and the oil floating on that water did the rest. An emergency stop at Ijmuiden to renew the fuel

filters and
reconsider our position to continue. Surveyor called to explain how after spending 35k this could happen. Only explanation given that a certain yard was run by a crook. Bit strong but I can see his point. It cost a further 15,000 Euros to get the work done properly, The fuel was condemed as too contaminated, two buckets of sludge removed from fuel tanks, Stern gland had to be repacked as the old packing was hard and dry, report said it had not been repacked for some years, To complete a sorry tale the engine broke down as one of the oil filters on the engine was over 25 years old. We noticed a small drip around the seal and stopped it before the

filter burst the seals, took 3 days to get a


replacement filter up to Newcastle. We still managed to complete the delivery to Northern Ireland with a clean engine room and all machinery running like a sewing machine. Engineers earnt their pay on this trip.
The moral of this tale is make sure the work you pay for has been done, or employ someone to oversee all the work being done

Holland's loss is someones gain

Here we go again, flight to Holland and a short train ride to the ship/barge. Install the gear and away we go-well that's always the main idea. On this trip we had Peter the Pilot with us once more and it is always good to have experienced crew on one of these trips and maybe Peter will decide to be a delivery skipper one day when he tires being a river Pilot. Our Dutch friends Pieter and Nerine pick us up from the rail station and a few hours later see us ready to get underway, with goodbye's said we slip the mooring ant through the Sluice and into the North sea. Picture shows Ijmuiden fading fast with the last of the daylight, engine splutters and stops is not what we had planned but it happened. The engine was newly fitted but was second hand or should I say used, well tired may be a better description. Fuel tank below engine is not a good thing if the fuel lift pump is tired and leaking, air in fuel means engine no go. How lucky we are that the owner Garf had fitted a stern cabin diesel heater, with its own fuel tank. A lot of grunting and shoving saw the full 30 gallon tank being turned into that good Dutch practice of using a day tank, fuel gravity fed, no need for lift pumps especially if they leak. Engine restarted and ran perfectly for the rest of the voyage, only down side was it was a bit nippy in the early hours. Total distance of voyage was 198 nautical miles and an average speed of 7 knots made for a good voyage. Next picture shows the Luxemotor alongside a trawler in Kings Lynn Harbour. Delivery skipper and crew tired and pleased to be home

Time to attach one's wings and over to Nevereverland as some one puts it. A quick call in to visit old friends and then back to sea. New camera toy packed, loads of spare batteries and memory chips, hold the vinegar. Fingers crossed for some decent piccies

Magnetic or True

With a delivery calling to be done ones thoughts turn to a smooth crossing. With gale after gale, the need for the old prayer mat calls a pleanty. Prayer mat in hand, now so as not to displease him up there the placement is very critical so as not to offend. Right now is that Magnetic or True. It is quite a difference you know and with todays current high winds the I must have got it wrong yet again. See I told you, "God Hates Me". No matter where I point the thing all I get is rough seas. Surely he knows by now that Dutch barges have flat bottoms and do not like it too rough, besides which I hate it when the crew revolt. Cancel those flight tickets Hassle, looks like I'm staying at home for a bit longer. Probably her prayer mat works better than mine. Now all I need is another crossing like the one in the piccie

New Generation Marine Dating Agency

Seems like there is no rest for the wicked I got rid of him years ago and now he returns like a 38 year old homing pidgeon. I've put him on the laptop to try and gain a little experience at chatting to strangers, never know he might stumble on his life's dream. Who is kidding who. It seems we are now looking for a partner for a 38 year old homing bird, and there was me thinking we would have our home to our selves in the start of our dotage. Doesn't matter where we move to I am sure he will find the way. "Hassle the boss" says he is our baby, being the last born, I suppose it is only natural, he is all of 2mtrs tall and built like a brick sh-t house, very strong and does not mind grafting, see picture below then to top that off our engineer Brian declares he is now looking for some company, probably a code word, so I think we need to set up one of those online dating agencies, probably easier to find both of them jobs on some tramp steamer going to the far east on a one way voyage, Blooming cheek, baby Austin has nicked me razor, only had it a week and now it's gorn along with my shaving foam and refill blades. Looks like I need a new razor. If there is any one out there looking for a gentle giant with appetite to match, please contact him and save this old fart some hard earnt

Just to keep some dreams alive

Just to prove a point there are still bargains available. Here is my next job being put through it's paces, with a newish Daff fitted, capable of 9 knot's, a really good example of a Luxemotor a Slight hold up after a cold winter. On starting up it was noticed that the exhaust was a bit wet, low coolant in the header tank.......HEAD GASKET.... going going gone. Job delayed...Owning a Klipper makes me pick up a camera just at the thought of one, so for those of you who love to dream........Einkhousen (wrong spelling)is a great place for the camera, and a good overnight stop over for tired crew, early morning camera action alwaysAnd a few more

Bargeing the cold way

Sometimes it takes a little invention to solve small problemswhen steering on an open deck and the icy wind is cutting into all those delicate places you might just need a windshield. Good old grinding helmet may not fit over all the protective headware but stops that cutting wind dead
At night there is always the chance of a rogue wave and even though we were using a safety strap, no one likes to be dragged behind a barge going five knots, so with a little bit of cord attached to the tiller, around the mooring bits and back to the companionway and attached to a couple of sticks, in this case a broom and a mop. Now it is simple push on right stick and pull on left and barge turns left simple.
The new half owner of this little barge enjoying steering and learning enough to manage a life afloat, Both halves made notes but they do have our telephone numbers, just in case.
Engineer Brian giving a good oppertunity for an early morning shot, and finally how to fly the simple way, how graceful to be able to hold in the sky in quite a breeze without even a moving feather.Bootiful

Brrr...rrrrrrrrrr....rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Not exactly the ideal time of year for one of these type of deliveries, but, the customer needed it delivered down south as they needed to live somewhere, and although Thorne is a nice place near Doncaster commuting from there is a long slog, and with all the furniture down south, needs must. Running the Aak down the canal to Keadby lock on the river trent we had to pass a number of road bridges most of which are handraulic, we noticed that the nav lights were a bit wrong,,,,,No Steaming light, so we had to stop overnight to buy a new light the following morning. As you can see it is not the largest of barges and the temperature on night one was minus 5c. even the tiller was covered with frost.

Joining the river trent and running down the Humber to the North sea was totally uneventful but we were one hour late inleaving so it was 1.5 knots slog to finally clear the river. Brian and I once at sea managed a 15 minutes on and fifteen minutes off, that was about as long as one could stand the cold. Fingernails turning blue and very painful when warming up. We managed a run south down to Lowestoft where we were meeting the owners other half who joined us for the rest of the voyage. Running south again a decision was made to make a short detour to Paglesham our home base for a quick break rather than sit on a mooring at Gravesend for over 12 hours, so Paglesham it was, and your scribe was so pleased to grab a few hours in their own pit.

36 hours later and we were back underway round the Maplin sand and into the Thames proper with Southend Pier nearing but for some reason still freezing. On arriving outside Gravesend basin we had a two hour wait out in the river, and finally passing through the lock into the basin where this old Aak will have its new home. We hope Tim and Sarah will enjoy life afloat and we all wish them well in the new venture

Back to the wet stuff

Early morning post of a change. We will be away at sea for a few days and I will be taking the new camera so hopefully some new pictures. Not too sure on the delivery, it may be Dutch and about 100 years old but she has no wheelhouse and no wheel. Perched on the aft deck with tiller steering this time of year, whatever next. Packing check, Life raft, emergency radio, thermals, Life raft, thermals, Brrrrrrrr

sorry for the absence

It happens to us all at one time or another, """"YOUR COMPUTER IS INFECTED WITH VIRUSES AND MALWARE"""" Scan now URGENT go to this web site to down load the latest virus protection, pay $97 to obtain the code to remove these dangerous programmes. There is no way I am going to pay some snot ridden crook who has infected my computer, I would prefer to throw the computer against the nearest wall rather than pay. It took some time but I finally mastered their programmes, starting as many internet programmes that try to log on such as Skype but first remove the plug that connects the computer to the internet, this slows the computer down so much that the malware programme also has trouble getting started, while I hurridly push the button that resets the computer to an earlier date. After resetting the machine, time to have a good old moan at Bill Gates and his cohorts, only to see that they are on the ball and have put on their main Microsoft site a free windows live onecare scanner and computer cleaner. Great it found the malware and cleaned my machine, and now it works quicker with less problems. Silly bit is we use windows live one care and have used it for years without problem. Going back through the history it transpires that while yours truly had to pop out to the shops, visiting grandchild noticed that grandma has dozed off, so it is safe to download that new superduper recently hacked whiz bang shoot em up computer game for free, but she has to disable our fire wall to get the programme, Any one out there want a 12 year old girl who has just learnt what the old fart was shouting about and finally realised that he could manage never seeing again. I lost alot of sleep over this problem as I am so careful, and taking advantage of granny grabbing a few winks took the biscuit. Microsoft report says that this type of malware is very prevenent lately which is why they are offering the free service. If you look up the following using your search engine and clicking on the Microsoft example will show you what we have been dealing with and may just frighten you enough to double check on downloads. first is pws:win32/prast!rts, two is win32/winwebsec, three is renos.jl and finally js/renos. my sincere hope is that the spotty oik who wrote these malware programmes becomes very ill finding it hard to breathe cos my foot is pushing on his/her wind pipe!!!

Ruddy Cheek

Hi all, I'm Bosun and I'm not that flee bitten dirty stopout cooking fat's mum, I'm human, 16 years old and really cute, now all you cats out there be afraid, yes thats right pussy those are teeth and although I have lost a few I can still do a bit of damage with whats left. Now you might think that I am a dog but you are wrong, and no I am not a chocolate bar, who in their right mind would call me a Yorkie, no chunks of chocolate in me, can't stand the stuff. To prove a point my main diet is chicken, roast beef, sirloin steak and the odd steak and kidney pie, my dad has to eat sausage and beefburgers and I get all the good stuff. Mum, Hassle the boss keeps me well fed with only the best cuts. I sleep in the main bed between mum and dad, yes I know, but you have to put the older ones in their place, that's my bed and I let them share it but only on the edge's. Now if there is an animal shrink out there the cat seriously needs help, I think that when she stays out all night, she takes drugs and unlike some politicians who claim not to have inhaled, she does, she comes home with all the local toms chasing her down the yard and I know for certain she takes that catnip stuff, probably snorts it like some common chav, she comes in rubbing herself against our legs like a common tart, spreading her fleas she gets from her cat friends, she is a tramp. I think that she needs to be pitied as she is not all there.
There she goes off again, probably wont be back until the early hours, come on you cat shrinks this puss really needs help, or better still get the men in white coats to cart her off to a rubber room, no not like that, it's your mind, now wash you mouth out

Confused Po Box 36 Animals Weekly

No consideration, just because I'm a feline, I do have rights you know. Stick a camera in my face and FLASH my night vision goes for a burton, can't see a thing for hours. First six months of my life I'm called Tommy, and now without even asking me they start calling me Tammy, talk about confusing, yes ok I'm a dirty stop out, and I like to party and come in at all hours but what can you expect from a dog. Picture below is my mum, well I think of Bo (Bosun) as my mum, but she is a he and looks nothing like me. When Hassle the Boss was more mobile we all used to go for walkies and I would chase other dogs and bunnies like you would expect from a dog. The local tom cat started calling round but I was having none of all that, us dogs like nothing better than chasing cats up trees and I would bark at them but it always came out meooow. I am a very confused animal and if anyone knows a good animal shrink then I would be grateful if you could point them in my direction. So what if I'm a delinquent, with my up bringing what more can the locals expect

And for the doubting animal shrinks below is our family shot by Hassle the boss on our sunday walkies some time ago. My mum Bo is bottom right with mums two brothers Cocky better known as Cox'un showing his rear as usual and up front Benny and me leading the way

Nervous breakdown

Time for some serious decisions. The choices are remove the propulsion system and use the services of a local towage company and empty your bank balance into theirs, move whole propulsion and steering system to the sharp end and always go backwards, raise wheelhouse by about five feet or install a really good multi camera system at the sharp end and multi screens in the wheelhouse. In picture one the brown bit at the back is the wheelhouse, and the next picture is all you can see from that wheelhouse. After moving said vessel to the drydock a stiff brandy would be the order of the day, but seeing as I am tee total I'll just shake for

a few days more. Having to lign up the bows with the entrance to the dock with a good cross wind and cross tide running in the same direction as the wind, calls for a swift change of underwear and a serious hope that no one else builds a large visual block for him that twiddles the steering wheel. Now where's the Prozac

Location of Irma for VallyP

If you use GoogleEarth type in N51.35'.37" E0.48'.36" and she is laying alongside the sea wall just north of the long shed next to the slipway, or just type in Paglesham Essex and head for the river

A serious challenge

This one is for the clever people out there. Petrochemical companies spend large amounts of money to stop the progress of the water engine. It is very simple and many barge owners know only too well how volatile the dreaded battery is whilst it is charging, I have probably blown the top off at least three. The problem is Hydrogen and Oxygen, every lead acid battery produces these explosive gases when being charged or discharged. Now if you can get past the common yawning syndrome it might stimulate the grey cells. The system has been devised many times only for the dreaded oil companies buying up the patents on all the systems that have been perfected, so the question has to be why not embrace it and someone get to it and perfect the system. 4/5 th's of the planet is covered by the wet stuff and global warming is predicted to increase that. If you type into your google search engine "water engine" you might see what I'm banging on about. Now for a little experiment, take a pyrex glass beaker 3/4 fill with water, add some baking powder and stir. The baking powder is to make the water so that an electrical current can be passed through it. attach to one side of the beaker a copper strip with a cable soldered to it so that the copper goes into the water mix. obtain some HP lead pencils and clamp them onto the opposing side of the beaker. attach a wire clamp similar to that found on a set of jump leads. The leads have to be a little way from the beaker and below as the two gasses are lighter than air and rise and dissipates quite quickly. The lead going to the pencil leads needs to go to the positive side of a 12 volt car battery and the copper lead attached to the negative side of the battery. The bubbles comming off the copper plate (cathode) will be oxygen and the pencil leads will produce Hydrogen bubbles (anode). You have now produced a hydro/oxy generator. If mounted under the air intake for the engine and a tube to feed the two gasses into the engine, start the engine and connect the leads. You should notice that the engine revs increase quite dramatically. from the exhaust you should have a trickle of water which indicates you are recombining the two gasses. Always remember hte formula H2O. You get two parts of hydrogen to one of oxygen. Consider loads of Dutch barges floating in water, running on water and hydrogen is very kind to engines so long as you remember to put oil in the sump. To my knowledge this can only work properly on a petrol engine but a chevy small block running on this mix will produce about 500hp. Down side is zero pollution and petrochemical companies going bust. Who in their right mind wants to use that smelly diesel stuf that if you spill just a drop the smell lingers for ages. spill a bit of water, who would care. Now if you have not fallen asleap, use your mouse and see what has already been achieved else where in the world where the oil companies cannot get to them. A word of caution both Hydrogen and Oxygen are very explosive gasses so experiment out in the open. Have fun

Geneology fact or fiction. You decide

Decisions made and Grandaughter heads north to look after us oldies, I could do with a bit of pampering and it would give Hassle the boss someone else to talk to. After just one day she decides to make a long distance call with her head down the china phone, keeps calling for Ralph and Huey. I spent the next few days cleaning and cooking for three, so much for the pampering. At last our home is ours once more and the hip hop beat coming from the head phones has vanished along with the grandaughter.
I decided to encourage Hassle the boss to attack once more the vexed question of ones ancestors, and decided to have a sneak around the ancestory thingy web site only to get no where, she got the hint and took over in her usual way "give it here, I don't want you messing with things" Noises of satisfaction as she declares that we have now gone back another two generations, and a wispered I had to pay a bit extra to get the information. I have just received the email confirming I have willingly paid another $351.80. WHAT!!........
Looking at one's ancestors, thoughts of family remind me that we seem to have been spread all over the planet, cousin Hubert decided to emigrate and went to New Zealand with some strange farmers carrying a single yellow welly. Upon arriving at some strange place called Wanganewi where he witnessed some natives barely dressed, leaping up and down, slapping their bodies and finally Hubert whispers to Josephine that the chap with loads of black paint on him pointed his tongue out at him and they promptly left and ended up in Australia. (never heard of the Hakka). Now it transpires that while Australia has bondi beach a few years ago we sent loads of criminals there a sort of 18 century version of CHAV's.
Continuing with the family theme, back in the early 1970's we received a strange letter from the office of the President of the South African power corporation. It seem that some one stuffed a chunk of concrete across a valley and flooded a valley in Rhodesia better known as Zimbabwe these days. It made a whopping lake called Kariba, and this chap in the letter says he is my long lost uncle and will be coming back to the UK to visit. Now I'm not sure what he and my aunt were expecting but the arrangements were made and we were all to meet up at another uncle's house in Hertfordshire to have dinner and to discuss ones future plans. When the day arrived we all met including Hassle the boss. I forgot all about her views, who would have thought.
After a very enjoyable dinner and Hassle the boss having just one to many cherry brandies and lost uncle declaring that we must come over to stay, loads of room over there, you'll love it, big open spaces, room to breathe, really you'll love it, and I know your aunt wont mind a bit letting you have some of the servents, THat was it, enough said, Hassle blew a gasket, " how dare you go to their country, and make them slaves, how could you" with her words ringing in their ears, uncle declares at the top of his voice "weve got a red in the family" aunt faints as only colonials can and is helped off to bed to get over the shock. At the end of that fateful day we parted company never to hear from them again. It seems we have other siblings of my dad that also live in south Africa near a place called Joburg, some digging for yellow metal and others looking for shiny stones, as well as one of his sisters ending up in Australia, probably likes kangaroo's.
a short message to Uncle Wilf and Aunt Jean, Hazel has mellowed with age and you did give her just a tad too much to drink, I'm sure she has forgiven you for having servents!...

She is back

Just a quick note to say Hassle the Boss has returned home after her enforced absence

Sorry Andy D

after six hours of trying to upload the two remaining video clips for 6 hours, probably our connection speed has dropped too low or the size of the files are too big, Not sure if you can post zipped files. K

Dutch barges going west to the Atlantic part1

This picture from inside the wheelhouse without a wheel is Cornelius Snr a 54mtr barge registered at Rotterdam going to Loch Neigh Northern Ireland via Londonderry docks. Too big to go through the Caledonian canal so the long route down the north sea from the river Lek via Stellandam. Through the dover straits, the english channel, we encountered a few dolphin pods making their way up north via the North sea, rounding the tip of Cornwall and up into the Irish sea. Managed the whole thing in five days, flying home from Belfast.












Next one is Samudera cut from 45 mtrs to 30mtrs so a short run up to Inverness from Ijmuiden but as can be seen from the picture she is having work done at Den Oever then running out through Den Helder straits, coast hopping to Ijmuiden to have all the jobs done that another yard failed to do.










Next pic down Is Samudera in the Caledonian basin at Inverness. Next is the Caledonian canal proper to Fort William, through the Scottish western Isles south to Cloeraine Northern Ireland also heading up the river Bann to Loch Neigh.

The couple next to Bruce's monument is Robert the Piper without the pipes but including dear Betty.

The first two video's are Samudera facing the Atlantic rollers for the first time in her long life heading for Colraine. For the benefit of one Andy D I have included a few more clips of Abe Lenstra making her way from Ijmuiden, through Holland and Belgium and ending up going up the river Fal to Truro. Also if Heather wants it may be of interest. Andy D is logging on but fails to be seen.

God hates me

Surely it should be thawing by now. Must use the banger to visit better half, first chance in a few days, she probably thinks I'm working on the three deliveries I was supposed to get done by christmas, but the weather has not been too good for that sort of thing, besides my engineer is hibernating.

good job we have friendly farmers in these parts, they promised to keep the road open until I get back from visiting Hassle the Boss.Thanks to Mick and

Joe for their stirling efforts. I arrived home in one piece. Note to self "must get the car computer fixed, it lies, although the speedo read 126mph I was only doing 20, Honest, I may have got a bit sideways in the S bends but I will put that down to wheel spin. speed for driving on black tarmac 50mph, say's nothing about snow. Not doing work work leaves a little more time
for writing or listening to Hassle the Boss's cousin north of the border using his new chanter on his old bagpipes, dont ye worry lassie I'll get a toone oot of these one day, must practice more. And yes he also wears a kilt. Hassle the Boss's lot come from the same area but wear the black Douglas tartan while the cousin and bagpipe wears the Monteith tartan, now how is that for being confusing. The Monteith's sold out W Wallace to Longshanks and the dreaded black Douglas were his and Bruce;s right hand man. Mind you it has to be said that according to those that know, Brucey got a wee bit tipsy one day and tossed Douglas oot the window of Sterling castle, now it was a long way down and it did manage to kill him so Brucey named the garden where he died "The Douglas Garden" must not forget the black bit, ok the black Douglas garden.
The reference to why God hates me is very simple. There are three of us delivery skippers that work for insurers crossing vast distances of wet stuff, insurers say, no higher than force 4 beaufort, that's about 19 miles an hour wind speed to landlubbers. Now if we ahve a Dutchman onboard the Dutch coppers nick us for being nuts, "don't you know that Dutch barges are inland waterway craft and are not allowed to go to sea." How comes it's ok for me to do it?........every time I get a few miles off shore the wind gets up, so him up there is stopping me from earnin an honest bob or two, now he drops a sh no forget that a large amount of white stuff on us, doesn't he know I have to see where I'm going.........Hence God hates me

white stuff

Snow snow and more snow, no need for a thermal camera to see where there is heat loss, just look for the melted snow. Heating going flat out just to keep the tootsies warm. The weather men say we have a lot more to come



Must get out the paint brushes when it becomes warmer. White paint always showed the rust stains. Must buy some more of the Dutch paint, it is so much better at stopping the stains


looking east clearly shows we are in for more snow, not sure about how low the temperature has to go to freeze salt water, Ice grinding on the hull tends to keep you awake.

apologies

sorry about the length of the last post but I still have not mastered the cut and paste bit fully so read as much as you dare and if you like read on. I will try and post a chapter and a couple of line of the next chapter each section so that it makes sense

ok by request the start of the dreaded book

Preface


The story you are about to read is based on actual events from our deliveries, but we have changed the names to protect the guilty. After reading this book you should be able to use all of the contents to safely navigate from Amsterdam on the Noordzee Kanal to Tower Bridge in east central London, St Katts



“Port control London, this is the Dutch barge Twee Gerbrouder, number one sea reach inward bound for St Katharine’s from Vlissingen”----“Twee Gerbrouder, Port control received”.
The end of this nightmare is almost in sight, and another houseboat will take its place in London. “ Will! Can you take her for a bit? I need to take a break and grab a bit of shut-eye. I’ve contacted Port control, you need to call again at No4 sea reach”. At least I can trust Will; he’s a damn good engineer and doesn’t mind the long hours.
The new owners boyfriend is another story, I’m sure he thinks were being followed by submarines, he must have zig-zagged for over an hour, probably thought we were going to be torpedoed, he couldn’t steer a straight course even if it were on rails.
The Thames is very busy this time of year, you have to keep your wits about you or run the risk of wandering into the path of a container vessel or some other nasty accident looking for somewhere to happen.
Twee Gerbrouder is an Old Dutch barge; Trendies as I call them think this type of vessel is sweet, with its small mahogany wheelhouse, single cylinder 1900s two stroke engines that have to be nursed to keep it running.
With its small living quarters and running lights that can only be described as dim and a cargo hold full of odds and ends from yesteryear. The hold will eventually become the living quarters after workmen have fitted it out.
Going below, now desperate for a cup of tea to wet my whistle, forcing to separate my eyelids for a little longer with an unspoken promise to my body never to get as tired as this again. I grabbed the kettle, which was empty, muttering curses under my breath only to find that the only source of drinking water, held in two litre bottles was empty.
The reason for plastic water bottles was that the old water tanks on board were rusty and contained a foul smelling red liquid that churned ones stomach if you get too close.
“Will” I yelled “who used the last of the drinking water”?. By now I’m standing in the wheelhouse wide awake with steam shooting from nostrils and ears, ready to explode from excess pressure.
“Not guilty”, said Will in his defence, and sheepishly whispers that he saw the dwarf Swede cleaning her teeth some two hours ago, prior to turning in with her Italian bagpipe playing co owner.
The selfish cow, how could she, and the last of the water, without even asking if any one minded her using the last of the water.
They only drank apple juice that they had asked Will and I not to touch as they don’t drink anything with caffeine in it.
“Ok Will, let me take her now, and, can you get all the water bottles topside?. I’m going to go alongside Southend pier, there’s a water tap on the top deck, but the lower deck is very slippery so please be careful.
Will asks, “Do you want me to fill the washing bucket with fresh water?”, by the look on Will’s face and the sight of both our cups in his hand told its own story.
I vow never to wash or wash up dishes in a bucket ever again, I know some Swedes are liberal minded, but this one beats all.

Chapter 1

This nightmare started but a few weeks ago when our phone refused to stop ringing, even though it was the early hours of the morning. Thoughts of family members being admitted to hospital, or some other tragedy firmly fixed in mind, I answered the phone only to find this pleasant Swedish voice apologising for calling at this hour, but that time was short and the delivery was urgent, and that she had been let down by some other delivery skipper. You come highly recommended; I’m a sucker for flattery.
Listening to her voice thoughts of Agnetha of ABBA fame come to the fore then she says that her name is Helga, and abba fades and is replaced by the comedy farce Allo Allo, and the female German who wears a red and black lace trimmed Basque comes to mind. If only we had videophones, and what a shock we were in for.
I suppose I should have known better, I've only been doing this for thirty five years, and to fall for that old flannel, " yes our barge is very beautiful with all the right shape, very quick through the water, and an original Kromhout single cylinder two stroke engine that is in such good condition that it can be started by hand, and I will send you a video of the former Dutch owner doing just that".
If only we knew the truth we would not have left home. Yes the engine can be started by hand but is not recommended. It was originally an air start engine, but the air tank was rotten and all the air valves leaked, oh how she stretched the truth!
Tickets booked for the early morning flight to Schippol on Friday; weather not looking too bad even though it was a bit cold for that time of year.
We estimated for a three-day run through the Dutch and Belgium canals to arrive at Nieuwpoort late Monday ready for the crossing into the Thames and up to London. It all sounds too easy when said like that.
We use VLM the Belgium airline these days as they are no frills and have a good service to Holland and Belgium. The flight and train ride to Amsterdam central station were uneventful.
Now I am not sure if many are aware of this but a large number of cabbies in Amsterdam are not of Dutch extraction, most are from the Balcones and do not understand much English, my Dutch is pretty poor but I can just about get by with the usual hand gestures and speaking loud and slowly in broken English. After 25 minutes and a friendly Dutch copper acting as interpreter we were on our way.
Arriving at the vessel was a serious shock to the system. Looking across at what was once a pretty barge we could see the new owners working away at various tasks.
“Where is the wheelhouse?” I yelled over to them. “Were still putting the finishing touches to that”. Will and I exchanged a glance that said it all, the taxi was roaring off down the road with our bags and us dumped on the side of the road.
If that driver hadn’t been so quick to drive away we would have gone straight back to the station and return home.
The barge was tiny to say the least with a small owner’s cabin behind where the wheelhouse was meant to be. In that cabin was one double bed and not much else, there must be other accommodation in the hold thinks us incorrectly.
Still no time to waste we had better introduce ourselves and see what’s what. After the usual formalities we made an inspection of the vessel.
In the aft cabin area was a small galley (kitchen to landlubbers) which had a floor area of about 6ft by 3ft, the headroom was about 5ft 3ins, both Will and I are over 6ft so crouching was the order of the day, there was a small stairway in the middle of the aft cabin which goes up to where the wheelhouse should be.
On the opposite side of the stairs from the galley was a small box with a china loo in the middle with no seat or flushing facility.
Great, that’s all you need, four people sharing a loo with no flushing facility. I know it’s part of the job that we do but how many more times have we got to hear from starry eyed new owners
“look on it as an adventure,” “camping out is good for you” did you notice that she missed out that bit about sleeping out under the stars, laying on the deck as there is only one bed, and as the owners, the bed should be their domain.
On our first night aboard we sat and listened to two excited owners explaining how the found this little gem and how clever she was to negotiate a reduction in the BTW (just like our VAT), I didn’t have the heart to burst her bubble by explaining that house boats are exempt of tax and that it cost them an extra twelve thousand euros for not seeking legal advice.
The former owner was sensible enough to employ a legal guy to oversee the sale, and straight after the sale had gone through the former owner left for Portugal for an undetermined length of time explaining that they would be long gone before he returned, that was the last they saw of him.
Mind you he did give them an extension lead which was fed through the window of the property they were moored behind.
I spoke to the occupier in the next property who informed me that he thought that his old neighbor had moved permanently to Portugal and would not be returning. I wonder who gets that electric bill.
Later that night it ended up with Will and I taking turns to sleep on the floor of the Galley with our heads or feet sticking out through the doorway.
On night one I couldn’t sleep as I was racking my brain as to how I could let this couple down so Will and I could catch the next flight home.
The first time I mentioned that the vessel was no where near ready and that we were a delivery crew had her bursting into tears and made me feel like a heel as she repeated again and again that everyone had let them down and how it wasn’t their fault because it was the Dutch summer holidays where nearly all companies close.
They said that they had intended to get a small yard to carry out the work on the wheelhouse and the other few jobs that needed doing.
When I looked at the list I realized that either they had no idea on what a small job was or that we were being told fibs. (We now know the latter to be true). We helped where possible.
I am really tired of people telling me that a little hardship is character building even if the person saying it is from Sweden. How much more character can you get when you are nearly 63 years old with a large dollop of snow on the roof.
Every time we mentioned that we were getting nowhere fast or in fact any criticism the Swede would turn on the waterworks and make me feel bad again.
After a day and a bit it came time to test the engine. I have had some experience with Kromhout engines and all have been air start, and this one was no exception.
All the system was there but all the control valves leaked or didn’t function correctly, and then we were informed that the air tank could not be used, as it had not been tested in years, so could we start the engine the way the former owner did.
There is a small metal spike that pulls out from the front of the 5ft flywheel and it is with this that you crank the engine. We tried for about two hours using this method and Will declared that he was not prepared to continue, as it was dangerous.
I had to agree with Will, who was kneeling down reaching past the flywheel to crank the engine, without any warning the waterworks started again, so we had to point out that the way the former owner used to start the engine was against all safety rules and we would find another way of starting the engine.
Remembering back to my youth and model boats I thought about the starting leather which was a longish square strip or leather which was passed around the flywheel and crossed over the top which could then be pulled in either direction to get the correct rotation.
Using the pulley on the front of the flywheel which used to drive a dynamo or alternator, we passed a length of electrical flex which was about half inch round which fitted perfectly.
A few trial runs later had us ready for a proper go at starting her. Being a two stroke it can run in both directions and when it did start it was in reverse, but Will soon had it running in the correct direction, WOW the new owners are actually smiling.
Will is yelling at me to shut her down. He explains after I stopped her that the water discharge pipe from the top of the engine had a hole in it and was filling the barge with canal water. Will examined the pipe only to upset our hosts yet again.
“The pipe is rubbish with a hole as big as two fingers. As everywhere in Holland was closed for some time we decided to cut out the damaged section and replace it with a length of radiator hose that we found in the Hold.
We restarted the engine and went to check the discharge of water, which was about one foot from the water line. No matter how hard I looked I could not see any water coming out, and after a loud bang Will yells for the engine to be stopped again.
The pipe we had just fitted had split near the engine end. We started to check it out but we were loosing light and we were all tired.
The owners went ashore to fetch a cooked meal for us all, Will and I hoping for a Chinese only to see them returning clutching a bag of sandwiches.
Later that evening I took Will out for a walk to find any form of restaurant to get some food and a hot drink. We found a takeaway just around the corner and thankfully they had a small sit down area, which we were thankful for.
Real food at last, Will says “do you realize we have been here nearly two days now and we still are not ready”.
The following day saw a few changes with us saying that we will have to make a few changes to the design of things or we will have to go home. We are on day three and the wheelhouse still hasn’t been finished and the engine was not fit to run in its current condition and before she started I said there is no point getting upset, “do you want this vessel delivered or not”.
“We are quite prepared to cut our losses”. All of a sudden the two owners are quiet, thoughtful and understanding, she said “whatever it takes” I think they realized they had pushed their luck a bit.
We rerouted the cooling pipe through a porthole as the old pipe was completely blocked; we restarted the engine and noted the squirt of water from the porthole.
Only two problems to go, wheelhouse and battery voltage getting a bit low. This barge did not have any battery charging facilities.
There was a donkey engine on the winch attached to the mast and I found an old dynamo in the hold but it was the wrong voltage.
It was probably used for deck lighting as the voltage was 37volt, it would boil the 12-volt battery if used continuously. If used for short periods on tick over it might just work.
The attached radiator was a pepper pot. Will made a sort of radiator out of an old water tank, and the water from the tank was fed into the engine and the hot water return went back to the tank.
The water became quite hot after 20 minutes so we decided to charge for 20 minutes and 2hrs cooling.
This gave us a happy balance between voltage needs of the battery and the cooling time of the water.
Now if only we could wave the Will magic wand to cure the wheelhouse problem. I could not understand why it was taking so long to build a wheel shelter till we took a close look at what was being done.
They were building the real thing. With just hand tools they were trying to construct a hard wood proper wheelhouse complete with hinges so they could lower it to get under low bridges.
I could contain myself no longer.
Steam and bile coming from every orifice. Will explained to them that all the bridges we needed to go under had that much clearance that you could stand on the wheelhouse and you still couldn’t touch them, and all the bridges in Belgium open, so you have just wasted our time.
When I returned from my enforced absence due to excess steam Will had the wheelhouse covered and a small tarp over the top to keep the wet out and a bit of thin rope to keep it all in place. After finishing work that evening we went for our usual stroll to take care of the eating problem and we noticed a supermarket a bit further on so we decided to be nosey.
It was one of those stores where they stack things like a pyramid, hey Will look, a whole stack of fire extinguishers, it seemed so out of place and I suddenly noticed Will punching keys on his phone, he explained that his mobile had a built in currency converter and that these 1kg extinguishers were three and a half euros.
Back in the U.K. we would pay nearly twenty pounds for the same thing, only difference was the instructions were in Dutch, a big plus was that they came with a nice new certificate and we would not have to pay our local company nine pounds to have each old extinguisher checked and pressure tested.
At last a bit of good fortune. Then you know what came next, GREED in big capitol letters, if we buy more than we need we can sell the extras at say eight pounds fifty, still cheaper than having one serviced and we get a bit of profit for our troubles. We both decided to purchase fifty units each, and they come in boxes of ten.
Now a one kg extinguisher holds 1kg of powder but it weighs a lot more than that, there was no way we were going to be able to carry five boxes each, so we managed to persuade the market manager for us to borrow two of his finest trolleys.
The looks we were getting from passers by, maybe the thought we were pyro maniacs or some thing worse.
Really amazing how the greed thing works, one sight of our booty and explanations to the Swedish and Italian owners saw them volunteering to return the trolleys for us so we could go and eat, needless to say they bought a dam sight more than we did, looks like they’re going into the extinguisher business when they get back to Britain.
Next morning bright and early, we had one more small task and we could get underway. The new owners failed to explain that they had not had the fuel tanks cleaned and refilled with clean fuel.
To help try and rectify the problem we had to use one-gallon car fuel containers to put enough fuel in to get the vessel to the bunker station.
I have always used Fiwado’s who are based in Zwindrecht and used to have a bunker/Chandlery station near central station Amsterdam, it has now moved round the bend on the Amsterdam/Rijn Kanal, just south of the sluis (locks) going to the Ijssel mere.
The friendly giant who greeted us at the door was Pieter, an old trusted friend. He had us fuelled in no time flat and sorted out some fuel filter inserts that would work in this system.
I was hoping to take Pieter and his partner for a meal on this trip but had to postpone that thought for another trip, still it was good to see my old friend again even if it was for a short visit.
Before leaving the bunker station Will and I had our navigation equipment installed and a working VHF radio which by the way should have been two radios fitted according to the Dutch waterway regulations, all navigation lights working even if the wiring was run across the deck.
It did not look pretty but it all worked. Pieter was totally amazed at our starting system using electrical flex but we soon had his usual thumbs up.
Can we now go to London?
Not just yet Will as we need to load a small cargo of four one tonne bags of sand and three pallet’s of paving slabs to qualify commercial red diesel, it is amazing how the difference in prices affects things.
We had to go back the other way to the sand yard at Zaandam. Finally all loaded and hatch boards in place, Will has even found time to tidy the wiring, but on the way to Zaandam he noticed that the engine mounting bolts were loose and the engine was bouncing up and down.
He decided to replace the main bolts with the new ones we brought with us.
Seventy minutes later we were moving on our way to London. Some of our Dutch skipper friend’s think us a touch mad crossing the North sea using just one piston going up and down.
For those who have never encountered a Kromhout, they are very reliable Dutch engines.


Chapter 2
And so it begins.

Running South through countryside now on the Amsterdam/Rijn kanal heading towards Utrecht I looked at the GPS Navigator and I was surprised to see six and a half knots, wow that’s not too bad considering the past four day’s, thinking about it Will had all but rebuilt things below deck and the engine was running like a sewing machine.
Will said he heard a rumbling noise and rushed below to see what was making the noise, he never gave me time to reply and when he reappeared I explained that it was my stomach.
With all the rushing around to get moving we had missed getting some breakfast. I could not face another sandwich of either Dutch ham or cheese, I love my Dutch friend’s but ham and cheese, no, I could kill for a good old fry up.
I think both Will and I have lost a lot of weight since leaving home so Will said he would check what was onboard for eating. The Swedish owner admitted that there was little supplies onboard and that she would like to stop at a supermarket to do some shopping.
She could not believe that there were none, but there was one a short walk from the rail station next to the kanal just North of Utrecht, only problem was there are no moorings on that side of the kanal, so we decided to stop and let her off and cross over and tie up on the east bank, at least it gave Will and I a chance to take a break.
Dropping the owner’s on the east bank we swung across the wide Kanal in one turn, Luxemotor’s are quite maneuverable when they are ballasted correctly.
Tied up and alongside we took our chance of a break, but on a small barge there is little area’s for resting, no sofa’s or comfy arm chairs, well except for that double bed, should we chance it, we ended up sitting on the grass river bank as that seemed the softest available to us.
We seemed to be sitting on the grass for ages, there was us hoping that the two owner‘s were having a good spending spree and bringing back loads of goodies.
Daft really for us to be so stupid, they turned up an hour and a half later with one small bag of shopping, I wondered what took so much time, but as usual they had decided to take the opportunity of the stop to do a bit of sight seeing.
At least they managed to buy some bacon, strange how thin the Dutch are able to slice bacon, we decided to eat before getting underway. Ten minutes later both Will and I were presented with two sandwiches with a rasher of bacon in each one.
I’m sure Will thought as I that they were being a bit stingy with the provisions. At least we will not need to go on a diet after this delivery.
I had a quiet word with Will to let him know that I wanted to run virtually non stop, or we will end up starving.
Time for us to get a bit sweaty starting this old engine, with gas torch going full blast heating the coil on the top of the engine we used our patented electric flex starting system and she burst into life at first go, right direction too.
Remembering back to the air start ones in the past this method is actually quicker, I must write this method up later to share with other Kromhout owners.
Only problem with mooring on this side of the river is that we are now facing the wrong way, “cast off forward, cast off aft” we ease ourselves off the berth but for some unknown reason it seems to have become rush hour central, the wash from passing vessels put us back alongside, we will just have to wait for a gap.
After what seemed ages we see a gap and go for it making a perfect turn from the berth.
Once again running in the right direction, South East, we settle down to our cruising speed, a large pusher tug with three barges in front start to overtake us and I put this little barge as close to the bank as is safe to do, good manners go a long way over here and besides which the pusher is a lot bigger.
As the pusher drew level with our stern the suction from their propellers sucked our stern towards them so I continually had to adjust the steering. As their stern reached our bows we swung violently to Port and ended up directly astern of the pusher tug.
A quick change of course put us safely back close to the bank. The owners were amazed at the strength of the effects another vessel could have on theirs, “Will keep an eye out for overtaking vessels, I do not want to get in their way”

Dance lesson

now how does that dance go?????.... Ah yes.. snow snow thick thick snow. brrrrr it's cold over here in britland. time for someone to turn up the thermostat

2010 and beyond

with the start of yet another new year our thoughts move at last to warmer days, and better times


Another coat of paint for the decks, and if the wind eases then maybe some more welding. I know the purist will say that a Klipper should never have a wheelhouse there, but I like it and I need Irma to be able to cruise the european waterways and be able to limbo under those low bridges whilst keeping all those electrics safe and dry. I will try and include some pics of the interior, weve only been doing this work since the summer of 1976, maybe soon we can finnish and disapear over the horizon